Monday, December 21, 2009

Not so lucky in love.....

Love…the most beautiful word in the world. I mean almost. But it can be also the most disastrous word of one’s life. But fear not…coz every single time the love factor in one’s life burns to ashes…It again rises like a phoenix to even greater heights. But its not the heights that I am gonna talk about today. Coz the praises of love have been over hyped to ridiculous levels. Thanks to our Bollywood movies. I don’t say that Hollywood does not have a contribution in it…. But then for us Indians Bollywood is the only staple diet for “TEENAGE LOVE LEARNING COURSE”. Hollywood just serves to be the mint or the snacks kind of thing. And then there’s the free lunch buffet…..Tollywood. But thankfully not many people go to eat there and hardly anyone can digest the food. Ok… enough of facts.

So… the focus of discussion is the point when the love “PHOENIX” burns to ashes. Ya…the point when the love just dies. It somewhat feels like… someone has just placed a very powerful sucker-punch in your abdomen at exactly that spot where it hurts the most…and again… and again…. and again the punches just keep coming in. And there’s no stopping them. Coz the punch is coming from your own self.

Before getting on with more such punches…I want to declare that this is mere discussion and does not refer to any PERSON, religion, gender, etc. Please add whatever is remaining…specially the thing that you are thinking. Its just my humble and genuine attempt to present you what goes behind the mind of a GUY for whom his love life just came crashing down. Would be talking about a guy coz have many real life stories in this account. I myself have been the unlucky to have had a first hand experience once during my teens. Also the experiences of many around me have been analysed by me. So I am sure I would be doing justice to the topic.

So…. Here we go….

Love life for everyone is just fantastic. The touch… the caring…. companionship… trust… believe… unconditional love (hey... I recently saw that word getting screwed badly. Now how do words get screwed??? When you say them…and don’t follow them…hahahaha). So in love one would find the solace and also the companionship. It’s magical. Until the spell loses its charm.

And then sets a chain of disaster’s which takes you to such a low level which is normally a multiple of the high level where you had been when in love. In short… you are screwed big time. People have come out of bigger shits… like academic disaster or office goof up or personal issues… But I hardly find anyone coming out tough from the effects/side effects of love failure. Though it’s not something like engine failure of a plane in which you are flying and its 1200 feet above ground. But still the love failure sucks. Badly

Reason for it being such a sucker??? Simple... A vacuum sets in your life. Got the connection?? Vacuum sucks. The life… which you had adapted around that one person, coz she was so near to your heart. Your plans, schedules, holidays, free time, sleeping time were all fine tuned to match that of your partners. And suddenly one fine day, you find the other main component of your clock missing. The clock stops. What to do now. What’s the need now? To come home early from office? To plan the weekend well in advance? To wait for that last call of the day? To hear that sweet voice in the morning? To take time out from your busy daily routine to dream about that special someone?

So what actually goes wrong in otherwise lovey dovey life? Its mostly the case of priorities. When you are not the top most priority in someone’s life… you will find it difficult to give the same back. Then the factors like trust, loyalty also matters. (where most of the lover’s default… only the strong willed comply)

Once the default happens… it goes without saying that it unleashes a wave of anger. THE PERSON, WHOM YOU LOVE THE MOST, HURTS YOU THE MOST. That’s the rule of the game baby. You feel like abusing the person like never before. The intention is never to humiliate, but to showcase the PAIN in disguise of anger. This normally ends up in war of words. Bad words. Really bad words. At some point you feel like hitting the person with all your might. But no self esteemed MAN will ever actually do that. Also you can never hurt your love. People normally consider show of anger as hurting. But its all together different ball game.

And then comes the whole world crashing down. You realize that you have just lost the most integral part of your life. Atleast the part which you considered to be the most integral. You tend to gather the utmost courage and boast yourself of being a freeman. But did you actually wanted to be a Freeman?? NO. You did not. It was so uncalled for. All that future planning, those dreams of a lovely life, those promises of being the most lovable partner…. All that just vanishes in the thin air. Without even a trace of it. Gone in 60 seconds… Or even faster than that. The lovely evening well spent in those loving arms are a distant dream now. Your most trusted asset becomes the most disloyal liability to you. You feel cheated of all the love that you have given. WHY ME? Ya… that’s the question that has been given the duty of hounding you 24x7. And it will do its duty with utmost sincerity.

YOU CRAVE. You crave for HER. For her warm touch. For her passionate looks. For her soothing voice. Her confidence in you. Her trust in you. Her scent. Her admiration for yourself. For every damn little things that was so special. You want her back badly. But are clueless how to get her back. Is there any reason to get her back. Will the love still blossom like never before. You crave for the answers. You are miserable every second. This are the moments when biology plays a very wicked game. As a man you never cried. But these are the days when the moisture in your eyes does not go. It swells the moment you think about the things happened to you. You feel like running away, breaking away, giving in to that urge to scream. Like a mad man. Who cares about the image now? And that feeling of despair. Like a cold dark layer of steps leading to even more cold den. But rather than trying to get out… you kind of start slipping in that den yourself. You tend to close yourself. That’s the final solution. And what was your mistake that you deserve all this?? That you loved her with true heart. So now you have to suffer.

“WHY DIDN’T IT WORK OUT???” “Why didn’t it work out???” “Why didn’t it work out???” The question just hangs there like an object suspended in space. It does not have any kind of self propulsion. No motion. It is there to stay. For many many years to come. May be your death may overtake the answer for that question. AND YOU WOULD BE ONE OF THE MANY UNLUCKY PEOPLE TO HAVE THAT QUESTION UNANSWERED TILL THE LAST BREATH OF YOUR LIFE.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

After long break...

I have resumed writing blogs. WOW. It just feels great to make such a sentence. Coz it gives a feeling that i had been writing so many blogs all this years and then took a long break and now back again. But then if i neglect the feeling that I have just written one blog in the past years...the feeling is still there. ( that was a joke and you are supposed to least smile...ya...that's the way.)
So I was talking about neglecting feeling. We all do that. don't we?? Whenever the exams results are about to be declared..don't we neglect the guilt that in those nights when we were supposed to study hard...we were more busy dreaming about the girl/boy next door. (and for some may be the uncle/aunt next door ;). And inspite of our repeated chanting that "mein tho fail ho jaunga" we hope to pass the exams with flying colors. [did you know that the word inspite is not in micro soft dictionary...don't ask me why]. So that's just one example of neglecting your feeling. Oh want some more....OK. Remember the time when we neglecting our feeling towards some person (love, hatred, anger or anything) just coz others did not have the same feeling towards that person.
Conclusion : I am neglecting my feelings.
So i have started writing again. But whats the big deal. The word is not BIG...but DEAL. Everyone thinks in terms of deal. Whats my deal in this. So here is the deal. the amount of upfront bluntness...boldness....fact...and information,....that i will give would be more that enough to take. I am sure that my future blogs will churn the thoughts out of your mind. Coz they are gonna be weird. ya...

To start with i would like to discuss a bit on politics. Today's generation is so eager to point the finger at politicians at the drop of a hat. Hey by the way...what the hell is today's generation. Ppl born in last 20 years or ppl who are tech savvy or ppl who are comfortable with idea of livin relation & F@#k Buddies. (i would like to give a long lecture on livin relation..but later) For me all ppl alive at present are today's generation Some change coz of their fast learning abilities(toddlers and teens), some are adjusting with time and mainly confused (young & mature) and some are too damn rigid to change coz of their habitual to particular style of living (45+) But all in all...every ppl present in this time is today's generation. So I find it funny when teens joke around saying that old generation doesn't understand them. And when old nag around saying that today's generation is weird.

So coming to easy to blame them. But what the hell. Who are these ppl who do the blame game. Young who dream about leaving this forbidden country to go abroad and settle in some corner of one of the developed country. Or those irresponsible ppl who don't think twice before even breaking simplest of the laws. (Spite here..litter there). Come on ppl...politicians are doing fine. They are doing their best. Is it not real for a common person to fall prey to greed once in a while..whats bad in it. Do you expect GOD himself to come down and get into politics just to make this country good. Is he left with no other work. He is better off planning destruction of planet earth so as to give chance to new species of life. Or may be planning new calamities just to have fun seeing living things get out of it. (Now that is fun..and luxury).

OK..politics..I am so like butterfly...Some ppl even call me that. And that doesn't bother me. Anyways...ya...pls spare politicians. They are part of this government. And so is everyone. Its their duty not to take bribe...and our equal duty not to give bribe. But still how many times have u resisted yourself from taking tickets in black. Or say resisted not cheating in exams. that is also wrong. But if someone is hooked on determining the magnitude of wrong doing ...then no one can help such ppl. I mean just becoz u do only Rs 10 ka goof up and politicians do Rs 100 crore ka goof up...they are more to be blamed. That's the logic we are hooked on. But does it actually stem from the fact that you didn't get the chance to do the 100 crore goof up??? hehehhe...caught ya.

Will discuss this later mom is eating my brains so that I may actually eat the vegetables she has cooked. And i wud do that. Who dares to go against women power. (Women power...will have a long discussion on that too) Hey....eating vegetables...whats the deal for me??? may be health. But for now...its mom's satisfaction. hehehe

Do reply if u can....I mean IF YOU CAN....
you say ..whats the deal???? I will get heard.

Ya..that's a big deal....India being democratic..we have freedom to speak...but no source to get heard. Just imagine...who is out there to hear you out. Some guy or gal just becoz you have said those three letter words to them and now they are obliged to hear you. Or those frnds who have their own thought to get heard...they hear you out just to get heard in return. Or that shady Guy or girl who pretends to hear you out just to give an impression of being frndly...and advance one step towards his/her motive (whatever they may be...mostly lust). its big deal...YOU WILL GET HEARD. :) "without any motive."

Mom will now kill me...have to go...And I am hungry too....what a deal sirji...